So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Couch. On fire.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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