mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
