Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize