1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I want you more than these girls want KFC
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
