I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
