Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
