my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize