as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
