im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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