Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
