Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Even my vagina gasped.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
