My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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