Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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