Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
