im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize