I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
a search helicopter?!
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
