I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
