You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
