Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
