Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
