one word: firstdatebathroomanal
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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