Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We are two peas in an std pod
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
