I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
