kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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