Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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