he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize