worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
