Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
