what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
