im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize