omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
