i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
