I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
