I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
