my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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