Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
