***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Randomize
