Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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