can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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