we're blogging at a bar
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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