quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
