I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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