One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
