we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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