between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize