my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
