just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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