I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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