found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize