Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
