I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
