i think my mom watched the whole time
my vag is so smooth its legendary
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
