Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
