I could make wine with my vomit
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
