i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
