the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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