i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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