Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
