Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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