how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
