i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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