thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
