just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
