he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
