Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
