I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
