This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
