Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize