Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
