just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
