last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
