I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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