You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
