someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize