fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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