11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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