Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
