Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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