You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I will die if light touches me.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
