Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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