Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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