does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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