I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
So apparently I’m into choking now
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
