shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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