i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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