Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize