Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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