Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
