I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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