Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
