He asked me if I "almost moaned"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
