went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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