I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
whose ass print is on the piano?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
