He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
