I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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