i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
