yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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