ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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