My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
