i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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