and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
