what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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