that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
