you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
