i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
