Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
