how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
