She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
