My balls are so social today.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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