I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
