There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
