Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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