I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
