well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
