I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize